My husband has a spinal cord injury. I have been his primary caregiver for
over five years. During that time I have dealt with more than almost everyone I
know... I deal with a much different level of stress than others around me. Now,
note that I didn't say harder or higher level of stress since well, I don't know
if it is or not but it is different. Being a caregiver is a different stress
than being a parent or being a spouse. Caregiving stress is different than work
stress and home stress. Caregiving stress ties all of those different stresses
together and weaves in another stress that ebbs and flows like the tide through
my life.
One of the hardest things for people to realize is that they are not the
only one dealing with the situation... We, as human beings, think that we are
the only individual who knows how the situation feels. Well, I've been realizing
more and more that I am not. I really am not. There are some many people, women
especially, who know what I'm going through and who know what I'm feeling. There
are women out there who have children and know the pains of being a mom to a kid
who has a dad with a disability. There are women who are trying to figure out
the best way to be a caregiver while also being a wife.
I am not alone.
So why do I feel alone?
I do. I think we all do. As much as we, the ladies in my online group, are
starting to share our feelings, we still feel alone because, in our daily
battles, we are physically alone. Yes, having someone there to listen and
understand is fantastic and has helped us all in more ways than we can imagine.
But still, we feel alone. We feel alone because our spouse, our partner in
crime, our life partner, our best friend, is paralyzed.
Trying to explain how this feels to others is almost impossible. It is...
How do you explain that you can sleep next to someone and yet feel so alone?
That you can talk to someone, be in their life, deal with their injury and
everything that comes with it and touch this person every single day and yet
feel so far from them at the same time? That you can still love that person with
all of your heart and yet feel so empty? Things like this are impossible to
explain and impossible for others to understand. So we all still feel
alone.
On top of dealing with marriage problems, there are caregiver issues. It's
hard focusing on being a wife while you're doing your husband's bowel program.
It's hard being a wife when you are dressing your husband. It's hard being a
wife when you are feeding your infant and your husband at the same time. Yes, we
have a child. A daughter. She was 6 months old when he was injured. So, on top
of caring for my husband, I had to also care for our child. Alone. No breaks
from middle of the night feedings. No breaks from changing diapers. She cried, I
answered. Being a parent, a wife and a caregiver is sometimes darn near
impossible.
We all feel empty and alone. I will admit, thankfully, that those feelings
are starting to fade. I am lucky. I feel this way less and less and feel fuller
and happier than I have in years. I am lucky. But there are so many out there
who are not and who feel numb and alone and empty.
If you know a caregiver, any caregiver, know that although surrounded by
their family, they may feel alone. Reach out. Listen. Talk to them. Know that
these feelings may last for years... They do not go away easily. But we do not
want to feel alone. So be there for us, if you can.
This is Erin's blog, feel free to drop in.
www.werocktheyroll.wordpress.com
Much love , Cheri
BTW pray for us this is our weather forecast for tomorrow!
My husband has a
spinal cord injury. I have been his primary caregiver for over five years.
During that time I have dealt with more than almost everyone I know... I deal
with a much different level of stress than others around me. Now, note that I
didn't say harder or higher level of stress since well, I don't know if it is or
not but it is different. Being a caregiver is a different stress than being a
parent or being a spouse. Caregiving stress is different than work stress and
home stress. Caregiving stress ties all of those different stresses together and
weaves in another stress that ebbs and flows like the tide through my
life.
It was a monster.
